I am grateful for confidence, for joy, for the freedom to be grumpy sometimes, for creativity, for patience, for style, for computers, for the Internet, for composure, for football, for foggy mornings, for the color green, for the opportunity to be grateful.

One last expression of gratitude to my housemates back in Pittsburgh for being encouraging with me as I learned how to have fun making deliciousness in the kitchen.  Thanks ESPECIALLY to Laura for the pie crust recipe.

Apple cranberry pie with an oatmeal crumble top at my place!  But first, two types of homemade salsa. 

Even when I’m not blogging frequently for you all, I’m pretty darn plugged in these days. Honestly, I’m falling more in love with Twitter each day. The live tweeting of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Fall Meeting was amazing. What a way to stay up to date on what’s going on in the hierarchy of the Church in the US!

Other discoveries that come via Twitter make me a little less giddy inside, however.

The fashion company United Colors of Benetton has launched a controversial advertizing campaign this week. I first stumbled onto what is dubbed the Unhate Campaign when I read a news piece announcing that, in the wake of serious objections, Benetton had pulled its ads featuring Roman Catholic Pope Benedict XVI locking lips with Mohamed Ahmed al-Tayeb, the grand sheikh of al-Azhar mosque in Cairo .

Wait, what?

Yes, that’s right, Benetton’s new advertizing strategy revolves around photoshopped images of world leaders in conflict with each other kissing. Don’t click any of the following links unless you’re okay with seeing some of the photos.

As I mentioned above, I encountered this campaign through its opposition. As far as I can tell, there are six images of world leaders in all. In addition to the Pope and el-Tayeb, the featured partnerships are Kim Jong-il, Supreme Leader of North Korea & Lee Myung-bak, President of South Korea; Barack Obama, President of the United States & Hugo Chávez, President of Venezuela; Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany & Nicolas Sarkozy, President of France; Mahmoud Abbas, President of the Palestinian National Authority & Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel; and Hu Jintao, President of the People’s Republic of China & President Obama (again?).

The White House is unhappy. The Vatican is unhappy enough to be pursuing legal action. I can’t imagine any of the others who have had their images used without permission for a series of clothing ads are much more thrilled.

Let’s put aside that anger for a moment, though. Let’s put aside the fact that the US president was used in more than one conflict. Let’s put aside the fact that the only religious leaders featured are both outspoken critics of physical expressions of homosexuality. Let’s put aside the fact that the only heterosexual kiss featured is also arguably the least sexual kiss.

The intention of this campaign (other than the obvious selling of clothing) is to mobilize the people of the world against hatred. To quote Benetton’s press release, “Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased.” This sentiment is apparently a quote from the Sutta Pitaka, a book containing over 10,000 teachings of Buddha or his disciples. Seems like an okay intention (ignoring, again, the obvious selling of clothing).

But then we get to what is my deepest discomfort in relation to this campaign, a discomfort I would suggest be shared by all Christians, especially those involved in youth ministry.

To represent this nonhatred, Benetton has chosen the image of the kiss, which they refer to as “the most universal symbol of love”. These particular pictures are “symbolic images of reconciliation- with a touch of ironic hope and constructive provocation”.

I can think of a much more universal symbol of love (not to mention ironic hope): the cross.

Obviously, a European fashion house, especially one willing to use images of a Pope & Imam in this fashion, isn’t going to be holding up the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ as a model to emulate. But to zoom in on a sexualized love as the way to save the world?

What of the love of a parent getting up at 5:00am to make sure the kids have all of their clean laundry, book reports and breakfast ready before it’s time for school?

What of the love of a little sister who thinks the world of her older siblings, even when their peers at school aggressively don’t?

What of the love of a priest who stays up half the night with a dying parishioner only to make it to the church on time for 7:00am Mass the next morning?

What of the love of St. Francis, begging in the streets for help rebuilding the church? And of St. Clare who supported him however she could?

What of the love of St. Joan of Arc, which led her to the mess of French politics, and ultimately to death in an enemy’s court?

What of the love of all the martyrs, recognized and unrecognized, who offer up not only their death, but every minute of their daily routine, to a cause greater than themselves?

I could scribble on for pages about the lack of caritas in modern understanding of love, or of the limited understanding we now have of its translation, “charity”. I can lecture until I’m blue in the face to teens about Theology of the Body and respecting & honoring ourselves enough to wait. In the end, it’s not going to make a difference if I, and others teens are watching, don’t live it out authentically.

Love is a choice, an act of the will. It is not a bunch of words. It’s not an image. It’s not an ad for clothing or a publicity stunt.  Advertisers might not be looking to the cross for hope, but we as Christians need to. Want reconciliation? There’s a sacrament for that. Christ has paid our debt, if we’re willing to accept. And if we’re going to make real, radical changes in the world, changes like the ones the Occupy movement, the Right to Life movement, and sure, even Benetton, are theoretically working for, we need to embrace the cross with every choice in our lives.

Until then, all we have is a lot of fuss and a winter wardrobe we don’t know what to do with.

EDIT: After writing this post, I read Fr. Ron Rolheiser’s most recent column, entitled “Love Beyond Naiveté and Romance”.  It addresses the concept of Christian love far more effectively than I have.  Go to http://www.ronrolheiser.com/ to read it.

Do you know about the new translation of the Roman missal? For those of you not in the know, the Roman missal is the book that contains what might be referred to as the script for liturgy in the Catholic church. All of the prayers said at Mass, all year long,are contained within that book. Back when the Mass was always said in Latin, it was a (comparatively) simple process to distribute the text to the Catholics of the world. Now that Mass is said in the vernacular (the local language), the Mass needs to be translated. We’ve been using the first rushed translation of the Mass for a few decades now. That’s changing.

I’ve been spending the fall preparing the teens (and lots of other random people I encounter) for the changes.

Do you think you know all about the changes? Are you prepared? Then take this quiz, courtesy of Jimmy Akin, a Catholic apologist.

Click!

If you find yourself in need of a little more information before we make the switch, head on over to ismasschanging.org and watch the video designed for your age / place in life.  It’s a fabulous website put together by LIFETEEN.

And yes, this is more or less insight into my days.

More posts over the weekend.  Love from Wisconsin!

I’m looking through the stats associated with this blog.  Now, I am not so popular as to have lots of people constantly checking to see if I’ve updated, or to read what I’ve posted when I have actually updated.  The one major exception to this is when I posted from the airport in Las Vegas.  That post generated more than 50 visitors to my blog in the next 36 hours or so.

Apparently all you have to do to get many readers is to write about Vegas.

So… Las Vegas Las Vegas Las Vegas.

And have a look at the blurrier-than-previously-realized view from my new desk in my new office:

Maybe my cell phone isn't always the best for photos...

In an effort to share some of the experience with you all, I am posting the text of a talk I gave on the retreat.  The theme of the talk is serving God.  I realize that I have not posted many reflections of this nature up here yet, despite the fact that it was something I had in mind when I started this blog.  I hope you enjoy. 

“God is Calling.  How will you answer?” 

That is the statement and question the ND Vision program is built around.  As has been mentioned, I was blessed enough to serve as a mentor-in-faith with this summer program for high schoolers.  It was an experience that irrevocably changed my perspective on vocation.  The greatest gift Vision gave me was beyond a reminder that vocation is constant, a perpetual calling that is much deeper than religious/married/single life.  No, far greater was the chance the program gave me to live each moment of my life grounded in that purpose.  The summer I spent at Notre Dame ministering to high schoolers was a time when every minute was purposeful, every choice made for a truth beyond myself.  It reiterated deeply how much I felt called to ministry, especially ministry to high school students.

And what timing!  I was a mentor in the summer before my senior year.  It was exactly the right time for me to pause and reflect on what needed to come next in my life.

 I came out of that summer pulled toward direct service.  I didn’t know if I could commit to graduate school yet.  So much had happened to me at Notre Dame that I was a little burnt out.  I wanted to drop everything for a while and reconnect with myself and with God. 

When I found the PULSE program, I was so sure I was in the right place.  PULSE is a small organization which aims to bring talented, energetic young people into the city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to implement positive change from the ground up.  Each year’s eight participants live together in an intentional faith community, participate in weekly seminars geared toward learning more about the city, professional life and themselves, and are placed in different non-profit agencies throughout the city.  We have one food budget for the house and we eat and pray together each night. 

PULSE is not a Catholic program, rather its roots are Mennonite and its composition is ecumenical.  I wanted to go take my deep Catholic, Notre Dame experience and test it out in a broader Christian community before  I wanted to test it out in a much broader secular world.

I was so ready.  I finally felt like I was really living out a radical Christian calling.  Matthew 19:16-30 tells a pretty well-known story of someone else wanting to follow Christ:

Now someone approached him and said, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”  He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good?  There is only One who is good.  If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”  He asked him, “Which ones?” And Jesus replied, “You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; honor your father and your mother; and ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed.  What do I still lack?”  Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to [the] poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me.”  When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.  Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.  Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”  When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?”  Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”  Then Peter said to him in reply, “We have given up everything and followed you.  What will there be for us?”  Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.  And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.”

 Wow.  Leave everything you have, all of your possessions, all of your family, all of your career… and follow Christ.  I was going to try something maybe close to this, leaving my comfortable Notre Dame bubble of familiar places and culture and go love God through loving others. 

“Try” might be a key word there.  As previously stated this retreat, however, I am not perfect.  I did not sell my possessions before moving to Pittsburgh.  I actually packed a whole lot of them into my boyfriend’s Honda. It’s quite debatable how much abandonment I really seized upon.

I did move into a neighborhood in Pittsburgh that has seen a lot of challenges, though, and I worked in a food pantry, soup kitchen and Meals on Wheels program that served my neighbors.  I was blessed enough to work in a direct service capacity a lot.  I got to actually put food in peoples’ hands.

It was hard some days.  A lot of my clients were not nice.  They were challenging to work with.  Some of them had mental health problems, some had addictions, some were just really tired of the system.  Even the clients who were friendly and easy to serve proved to be challenging.  Some of their stories were gut-wrenching and I would feel almost guilty for being raised by a loving mother and father and getting to go off to school at Notre Dame.

I lived in Pittsburgh for eleven months.  I fell in love with the city and I made so many friends.  And then it was time to leave.  I was being called somewhere else.

But the weekend before I left, I took a detour.  ND Vision, that program I spoke of earlier, celebrated its tenth year this summer, and it provided me with another fabulous opportunity.  As part of the ten year celebration, former mentors were invited back to campus for a weekend reunion and retreat. 

Now, I already very thoroughly miss Pittsburgh and the people I lived and served with and hung out with there, but even by the time of this retreat, I was so ready to be onto the next phase of my life.  There’s something so challenging about knowing where you’re going, and working out the details… and still having to wait to get there.  When I went to the Vision reunion, it was very much with the idea that I could use the weekend as a nice transition.  Off I went, back to ND for another dose of vocation re-examination.

And it was good.  The people in my small group, former mentors from the years 2008 & 2009, were all in relatively similar places in life, aka, very transitional.  We were graduating from college, serving, finding jobs, switching jobs, getting married, going back to school.  Everything was very much up in the air.  That was okay, though, because we were following the call of Christ.  Abandon the network you’ve spent a year cultivating to go to school in a state where you didn’t know anyone?  Okay, fine.  Stay teaching for another year past your original commitment because the school doesn’t know who else to hire?  Cool.  Go off to Thailand to live in community and serve in whatever way you can find?  Rock on.  Go where you’re called.

Then later in the weekend, I had the opportunity to talk to one of my married friends.  She went through Vision a couple of years before I did and so people in her small group were a little older than those in mine, and some of them had had more of a chance to settle down.  This friend had made an observation.

“It’s interesting,” she said, “The difference between what people who are single are saying compared to those of us who are married.”  She had observed, as I had, that a lot of people were going every which way, being very rootless, making no money, following the call of Christ.  “That’s fine,” my friend said, “But we can’t do that if we’re married.  We need to balance our spouses’ needs.  We actually have to be concerned about making enough money to keep food on the table, to be able to take care of a potential child, whether we’re planning one or not.”

These married people like my friend are not about to leave everything they have and everyone they know so they can uproot themselves in order to follow Christ. 

Does the desire to radically serve Christ go away when we find ourselves with temporal commitments to other people or institutions?  How do we balance that call to abandon your possessions and your family to pick up your cross with the acknowledgement that your family might actually need you to be there?  The Catholic Church teaches that vocation to marriage and family life is a real and beautiful thing.  Clearly, the complete way to serve God can’t be contained in that one passage I read earlier.

Let’s return to it for a moment.  Everyone knows the part about the rich man sadly leaving because he won’t give up his stuff, but let’s give a little attention to the part before that.  This man sought out Jesus and asked “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”  When he’s told to follow the commandments, he says “All of these I have observed.  What do I still lack?”

This man already followed the commandments.  Yet he still kept asking “What else?” He knew something was missing.

But he wouldn’t reach out to grab it when it was offered.

You know in your hearts if something is missing from your service to God, if there is an element that is lacking.  You know if you are desiring something more.

When Jesus talks here of abandoning possessions and family and all obligations, it reminds me of another well-known story.  The sisters Martha and Mary had Jesus over to their home.  Martha works her butt off preparing a lavish meal while Mary sits at Christ’s feet and just listens to him.  When an irritated Martha asks Jesus to get Mary to come help, he replies that he will not, because Mary has chosen the better part.

What a slap in the face to the homemakers of the world, I used to think.  What an insult to the people who are dedicated to welcoming visitors, to keeping food on the table for their families, their guests, their parish picnic-goers.  We aren’t all Jesus Christ, able to fast for forty days or whip up a feast for 5,000 from one person’s bread and fish.

But then I read a portion of a homily Augustine gave about Martha and Mary.  As he points out, Jesus never tells Martha that what she’s doing is wrong or not needed.  But at the end of time, Jesus will take our needs away.  He’ll fulfill them all and it won’t be up to us to feed each other.  What will be left is what Mary gravitated to already- sitting at the feet of the Savior and listening.

So how do we keep from letting that work, whether it’s feeding the hungry at a soup kitchen or feeding the hungry swarms in our own kitchens, become about itself?  How do we be radically Christ-centered in our service, like Mary at the feet of Jesus, like the young man was called to do but didn’t?

The key, I think, is actually very simple, if not at all easy.  Service is made radical not by the specifics of the assignment, but by radical love.  Give of yourself until you have nothing left, and refill yourself from Christ. 

It’s so much easier sometimes to serve by going somewhere, by immersing yourself in a new place, in a new culture, in obvious poverty.  But what about emotional poverty?  What about spiritual poverty?  You can’t always recognize those right away, and their only cure is love- passionate, genuine, unrestrained love.

We are called, beyond any other call, to love God and serve Him.  He has shown us that he is found in our neighbor, in the people we meet.  Therefore, we are called, beyond any other call, to love other people and serve Them.

This means loving poor people, even if they scare you.  This means loving your mother, even when she tells you that you’re doing everything wrong.  This means loving your children, even when they’re obnoxious.  This means getting up every morning to make breakfast, to go to work, to go to church, to go out into the world.  This means loving fiercely.  And it means admitting when you aren’t and trying again.

Whatever you do with your life, whatever calls you hear and answer, keep Christ in the forefront of your mind.  Do your work for Him.

Suffice to say, the inaugural Ladies of Our Lady retreat in Denver was simply phenomenal.  The Spirit speaks, and the 12 of us there were lucky enough to hear this weekend.  There will be big things coming out of the community forged at the Mother Cabrini Shrine over the past few days.  Keep watching for more on that (reason #2).

Now that I’m reasonably settled for a little while (I’m not leaving until Notre Dame plays their home opener), I have to face a very daunting reality.  I need to unpack.

My boyfriend has been amazing, helping to haul stuff around and even assembling the last of my bookcases while I was on retreat.  My kitchen is set up enough so that I can cook, and my fridge and pantry are even stocked a little.  I’m still left with an apartment full of boxes, bins and piles, however.  So, for the third time, Come Holy Spirit, and get me through the disorganization of this week!

Yes folks, that’s right, I’m writing this quick note from Las Vegas. Specifically, I’m in the McCarron Airport. I’m not here for Las Vegas. I’ve just got a layover on my way to Denver.

My poor body is exhausted and way beyond confused. I’ve been awake since about 4:00am Eastern Standard Time this morning. I moved (as in relocated my life, not just propelled my physical self) to Milwaukee, which is on Central Time. Then, after a madcap jaunt to the airport in my boyfriend’s still-packed Honda, I boarded a plane and flew here to Las Vegas. The highlight of everything will happen in just a few hours when my overly-exhausted self deals with significant altitude for the first time. Mile-High City, here I come.

All this complaining aside, it’s been a pretty good day. Adventurous, at least. Every detail that went wrong was balanced by a Plan B that came through flawlessly. I’m going to be a little out of contact as I’m busy on the retreat & other Notre Dame events in Denver this weekend and transitioning into life in Wisconsin, but I do want to let you readers know that I’m still kicking. Which is a metaphor, and not insight into the frustration of moving and traveling on the same day.

Mostly.

First of all, I got to go to Notre Dame for the 10 Year Celebration of ND Vision, the amazing, awesome youth program I was priveleged to be a small part of in the summer of 2009.  That weekend will be spawning its own post over the next few days.

As I write this tonight, I have just returned to Michigan from the wedding of one of my dearest friends in the entire world, James, to a lovely, caring woman named Michelle.  This couple was married in a beautiful ceremony in their native Houston.  I flew down for the weekend and met all kinds of new people, mostly family of the couple.  When these people found out I knew James from Notre Dame, they would inevitably ask, “So, where are you from?”  The first time this happened, I think I made a slightly hysterical noise in the back of my throat, prompting James’ uncle to say “Uh-oh… why are you laughing?”

The truth is, lovely readers, that is a very loaded question this week. 

On Wednesday, I worked my last half day at EECM.  I attended an end of the year lunch banquet with my fellow PULSErs.  I picked up my father from the Megabus drop-off.  Then I packed the entirety of my belongings into my minivan and a rented truck and left.

Dad and I went as far as the house in Michigan where I grew up.  The next morning, we put some more belongings into the truck and drove to Milwaukee.  I signed a lease there and deposited all of the collected belongings into various piles within my new apartment.  Then, Dad and I returned the truck and drove back to Michigan so I would be able to catch a 9:00am flight to Houston.

So yes.  Where am I from?  The apartment in Milwaukee with the boxes everywhere?  My parents’ house in Michigan where I’m in the process of moving out of as completely as possible?  Pittsburgh, the city with so much of my heart and so few of my belongings?  No doubt there will be much pondering of this issue this week while I spend some time with my family in Michigan and some time unpacking in Milwaukee.

In the meantime, to make a long story short:  Where am I from?  Definitely not Houston.

I heard back from the Milwaukee apartment to which I had applied.  They’ve accepted me!  I have a place to live in August. 

Now all I need is a job and little detail stuff.  My family is already starting to help me out with all the furnishings I’ll need in my new place.  Major kudos to Mom, Dad & Grandma Phelan.

I think I might actually be ready for the move when it comes.

June was an extravagantly busy month, filled with much travel and excitement.  It’s a trend that started in May, actually, and carried through… well, now if not later.  So, instead of recapping absolutely everything in a long and wordy post, I figure I’ll post up a whole bunch of pictures from the places I went and the things I did in Pittsburgh.  There are a total of 19 pictures I wanted to put up, so rather than put them directly in this post and make it take hours to load, I put them into an album on Facebook.  The album is only visible to people through this blog.  Click here to see it.  Once you’re there, you can click on any of the photos to get a larger view and read the caption.

As a slightly more serious update, some of you have heard about some of the health problems I’ve been having the last couple of weeks.  To summarize, for all of you who have no idea what’s going on (PS- you have company: me & all of my doctors), about two weeks ago, during a Saturday night dinner, I developed some very significant chest pain while swallowing.  From that point on, for several days, whenever I swallowed anything of substance (ie, food & liquids), I would have significant chest pain, though not as severe as that first night.  Two visits to the doctors, two medications & one endoscopy later, the pain was gone, but unexplained.  That was a week ago, and that was when the sore throat that also got in the way of eating started.  The sore throat peaked on Friday in terms of interesting symptoms, but again, two Urgent Care visits & a prescription for Magic Swizzle later (it’s a real medication, I swear) and I’m feeling a lot better, though no one has any idea what caused the sore throat.  Probably a virus.

All of that aside, however, it’s been a pretty good few weeks.  A special shout-out goes to my boyfriend, who as of Friday has been dating me for an entire year.