Who We Are

I worked an actual 8 hour day today, by which I mean I was in the office for eight consecutive hours.  I understand that normal people do this all the time, but I am not a normal person.  I am a youth minister, and my “full time” job is actually only supposed to be 30 hours a week.  It’s worth pointing out, too, that I’ll be working fifteen hours on Saturday, and actually, pretty solid times for the rest of the week too.

I am tired, and cranky because of my ankle (did I mention I sprained my ankle two weeks ago?  Yeah, I did.  And it’s aching right now). I worked an eight hour day, changed into sweatpants, poured a glass of wine and plopped down on this couch, intending a nice, relaxing night of Netflix and knitting.

Now, however, I have turned off Netflix.  And I started working.  As in for my job.  I am planning the large group session entitled “God’s Call to Each of Us”.  This is what I was planning to do tomorrow at work.  Why am I voluntarily doing it now?

This. –> http://newsinfo.nd.edu/news/33741-nd-vision/

I watched the video, which several of my friends had posted to Facebook.  Sometimes, that sort of thing fills me with a vicious longing for the college days gone by, for the summer I had 60 best friends, for the pink hair, for the purpose, for the feeling that comes with being a part of something larger than myself.  And yeah, okay, there’s some of that tonight.

But mostly, one phrase stood out to me: vocation is not so much about what we do, but who we are.

I am struggling right now with what I do.  I don’t know if my job is the best fit for me, if my career is the best fit, if I am doing what God wants me to.  There is a lot of very, very green grass on the other side of several fences.

But I will figure that out.  And in the meantime, through the stress and long hours, I am called to live in charity and patience and longing for Christ’s will.

And before this spurt of wisdom passes, I should probably write the Proclaim for Sunday.